Well, I finally did it!
No, I didn't rob a bank or get a tattoo - YET!
I had a professional photo shoot, where the theme was film noir, vintage & fetish.
I cannot believe it has taken me so long to finally have the courage to go & do something like this.
Yes, I know I must sound very silly to you but I think I lost my 'mojo' during my first marriage & it has taken all these years to get it back ...
If my first husband got to read this he would be sitting back smiling at how much effect he had on me in such a short period of time but he is not the only reason for my low self esteem.
It was such a long time ago, that I really don't want to name names, or get all dark & moody - but I will say that the dents to my interior armour started when I was very young & continued for many years ... :(
And although I have spent the past 16 years with an optimistic, positive, wonderful man who loves me dearly & YES he thinks that I am BEAUTIFUL - it has taken all of that time of hearing him tell me that I am Beautiful & telling me what a Wonderful Wife I am, to finally start to believe him.
Scary when you think how long it can take to counteract the negative ...
Anyway, on to more happy things - my photos!
This first photo is a detail shot - of my new leather corset & my favourite purple stilettos & my new heart shaped crop :)
This is a favourite photo not only because the corset is stunning but it features my Tai Chi Fan!
I simply adore this shot :)
I would love to turn it into a poster, similar to the Andy Warhol shot of Marilyn Monroe - where he had 4 of the same photos together & each one was a different colour. What do you think - would it work?
This is my handsome husband's favourite photo of me, naturally I like it too :)
Out of all the photos that were taken on the day - THIS is the one photo that I have always dreamed of having taken. I could not believe it when I saw the photo - I look like a 1940's Movie Star!
I am SO happy that I took the opportunity to do something like this - it has made such an amazing difference to how I feel about myself.
You see, now I have Proof of how Beautiful I can look & in some strange way it is starting to rub off on other aspects of my life ...
To be honest, the photos were just one of the many things that have happened over the past few months that have started to give me back what I lost all those years ago.
Even though I am now 40+ I am starting to feel like a young girl again - although it could be the vitamins I take each morning - he he he!
Seriously though, I have spent the past few months giving myself the time to indulge my dreams - you know the ones that will probably NEVER come true. Well, some of my dreams relate to living & working in Paris & so I have a small obsession with reading books, seeing movies, art exhibitions, etc from & about people who have lived or worked in Paris & who have been affected in some way by this experience.
Nancy Wake, Lucinda Holdforth, Natalie Barney, Renee Vivien, Gertrude Stein, Nancy Mitford, etc.
Through these books I allowed myself to day dream on the train trip to & from work, to think about what I would do if I was given such an opportunity.
This lead me to reading books about people whose lives have changed by living in Italy - no city in particular, just those who followed their dreams & are now leading lives so different & yet so fulfilling that they wonder how.
My new favourite photographer is now Carla Coulson - she has lived & work in both Italy & now Paris - lucky girl!
It may be something that I never achieve & it may always stay a dream but what a lovely dream to have ...
You know it is incredible where your mind will be willing to travel if you only let it ....
Until next time, take care & make sure you hug & kiss the ones you love.
Ciao
Mish :)
xxx
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